When I was in middle and high school, my biggest fear was slowing down. The thought of not improving every single season terrified me. At the same time, I heard whisperings, well more like very audible comments, that my size was the reason for my success. People said things like “she’s only fast because she’s skinny”, “she’ll slow down when she hits puberty”, and “just another fast freshman.” My fear of not progressing combined with the widespread attribution of my speed to my size, resulted in an eating disorder that gave me a sense of control. However, that “control” later jeopardized my running career, leading me to wonder how many talented runners’ careers had been lost to eating disorders.
The beginning stages of disordered eating can sometimes result in improvements in running performance, which reinforces those behaviors. Over time, those thought patterns and actions become ingrained and, eventually, habitual. The longer that the disordered behaviors persist, the more correct, and necessary, they feel. That was the rabbit hole that I fell down: I started controlling my eating to help my running and avoid puberty, but those behaviors became so ingrained that by the time I realized the harm I was doing, I couldn’t stop. The immediate performance boost of an ED does not last forever because being in an energy deficit is horrible for health. It causes hormonal imbalances, low bone density, reduced strength and adaptation to training, insomnia, and, often, depression and anxiety. The length of time before the negative consequences come to the forefront varies widely, but, for many girls, it happens in college.
From my research, I found dozens of women who progressed beautifully in high school, only to fall victim to injuries, sickness, or mental health struggles during their college running careers. This breaks my heart, because I think that more awareness of the dangers and risks of EDs, especially those with a young onset, could save so many running careers. Watch the video below to hear more about my story, the many women who have struggled, and what can be done to help the future generations.
