Leading up to ACCs, I had no idea what to expect in racing the 5k. The goal was simple: run hard, have fun (and if that enabled me to get a regional mark, it would be a bonus). The race started out tactical, but I knew it couldn’t stay that way if I was going to give myself any shot of running a time that would qualify for regionals (because as I had learned from all the 1500s I ran, my speed needed more time to develop, so it wasn’t an option for me to rely on any sort of kick). So, I went up front and set the pace for several laps of the race. I wasn’t planning on doing this, but I felt that it was necessary. Even better, it allowed me to help out a few of my teammates who had already raced in other events that day. Those few laps felt like a glimpse of what I remember racing being like in the past, and when it got hard in the last few laps, I relished the feeling of the familiar grind that demands for you to dig deeper, even when you think you can’t. I ended up finishing 5th and running 16:01–a time that would get me into regionals!
Afterward, I did my cool down alone, because I wanted to take some time to pray as I ran. My heart felt so full, and I remember when the realization dawned on me: Wow, I just ran a 5k on a track in spikes…for 2 years that seemed impossible for my body to withstand…and now here I am afterward, running with no aches or pains…THANK YOU, LORD! What a miracle!
After that weekend, it’s like my mind flipped a switch. I had been ready for my season to be done with, but now having the unexpected opportunity for one more race, that glimmer of hope was getting brighter. I was showing up to practice simply thankful to still be there, and I was determined to make the most of every run and workout that I had left in preparation for regionals. In those few short weeks, things were finally starting to click, my confidence was growing, and it was pushing me to consider that maybe things didn’t have to end at regionals. I thought, I didn’t even think I would make it this far, but here I am, and I’m feeling better than I have all season! What if I can surprise myself again? So, I decided to show up to regionals not just happy to be there, but truly believing that I had a shot to qualify for nationals. God had somehow brought me that far, and I wanted to honor Him by making the most of another opportunity to pursue something greater than I thought was possible.
Here was the tough part though: it just so happened that 5 of my other speedy NC State teammates were in the same heat…and only the top 5 in each of the 2 heats were guaranteed a spot…with only 2 extra spots open to qualify by running the next fastest times…So, I knew it was gonna be tough, because some of the greatest competitors were my own teammates, and we were all in the same race! But, the stars aligned that day…and it was glorious!! I physically felt the best I had all season, running relaxed despite clicking off laps with my teammates at a pace that seemed over my head. But, I was racing very attuned to my body, and I somehow knew that I could maintain the pace–and I needed to, because if we ran faster than the previous heat, I could get 7th and still qualify off of time. Sure enough, I placed 7th behind 4 of my teammates in a big PR of 15:37! I still have no idea where that came from… Coming off of 2 years of injury, coupled with the amount of training I had missed within that season, on top of the several disappointing performances prior, I truly didn’t think I could run a time like that. But somehow it happened–because regardless of all those things, God had been pushing me to believe anyway in things that seemed beyond me. It was all an unforgettable God-moment, and it was even more special getting to celebrate alongside my teammates–each who had to also overcome their own unique challenges to make it to that point! Without a doubt, that was one of the most special races I’ve had in all my life.
I had some of my best workouts ever the week following regionals, and it continued to build up my confidence and open my heart to believe that I could once again achieve something unexpected. There I was again, in disbelief at where I was at in my journey, and still I felt as though God was speaking to me, “Yes, I have brought you this far, and that is more than enough to be content with, but don’t stop there…keep dreaming, but EVEN BIGGER! I am with you in this!” And I felt the truth of these words. In those two weeks between regionals and nationals, I don’t think I have ever felt so close to God and constantly mindful of His presence. I felt like I was on a wild adventure–both living out a dream and simultaneously dreaming onward! The phrase “actively dreaming” came to me as I was journaling one day, and that became the goal for my race at Nationals: whatever happens, in each present moment, I would say “yes” to believing in the possibility of a greater outcome and act upon it–giving myself every opportunity to achieve the best result, without doubt being a limiting factor. Each step would hold the potential to open a doorway for a greater dream.
When race day finally came, I was excited and ready to put myself out there. After all, the only thing I knew for sure was that anything can happen…and since I had nothing to lose, I had decided that I wanted to see if I could get on the podium (top 8 finishers/First Team All-American). When the gun went off, I settled in near the front pack and stayed as relaxed as possible while maintaining contact for as long as I could. I apparently seemed to hold a steady position in 7th place for a while, but my last lap was ugly (I had been redlining the last few laps and finally reached the point of death-to-the-finish), and I was passed by 2 other runners. I remember being sprawled out on the track after crossing the line and looking up at the screen, because I had completely lost track of what place I had been in. But I had a feeling…and sure enough, I was 9th–one spot off the podium. I won’t lie, I couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of disappointment. But mostly, I was satisfied, because I had poured my heart into that race, ran with confidence, and physically gave it my everything (and that had also led me to a small PR!). Once again, having the opportunity to simply be at Nationals racing alongside 4 of my teammates was a greater gift than I could have ever asked for!
With it all being said and done, this was by far the most difficult season I have ever endured. But at the same time, I also see it as the most beautiful. Sometimes, it’s hard not to wonder how things could have turned out if I hadn’t dealt with the various setbacks. But overall, it really just makes me more excited for what is to come. Once again, this season made so abundantly clear that God’s ways are higher than my own, and I truly wouldn’t have it any other way. It has all enabled me to run with greater joy than ever before and embrace with even deeper gratitude every aspect of the journey that I am living out with Jesus. Now, I feel as though I am still in a state of “actively dreaming”, because everything that God has revealed to me throughout this season has made my heart remain open to believing that anything is possible, if you dare to believe it.
