as originally posted on marleestarliper.com
Brief Update: Unfortunately, I had to postpone racing this indoor season, because as I was adjusting to running faster on the track, I had two small flare-ups in different tendons within two weeks of each other. We took extra caution and cross trained for a few days following each, and thankfully I had no lingering issues! However, those flare-ups communicated that I may need a few more weeks of consistent training to make sure that my body will be ready to put on spikes and run hard, without any concerns of another issue popping up. So, with that being said, I’ve had more time to continue anticipating when I will get to race again…and I want to share my personal perspective on racing and the unique significance I find in it.
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To me, running is a spiritual act. And when it comes to racing, I believe it is a unique form of worship. I love the simple act of running all by itself, but the special way I encounter God’s presence through racing may be the most profound aspect of running, in my eyes. I remember how the significance of this belief hit home in my heart during my senior year of high school, after I raced the Footlocker XC Northeast Regional (pictured above). I had written this in my journal the day after that race:
“[Racing is] the opportunity for others to see me for who I truly am, as I am before God, my heart entirely exposed.” (12/1/19)
I envision that feeling of coming down the homestretch, absorbed in the task of pushing far beyond my limits…it creates an extremely vulnerable state, where nothing is hidden. It’s pure presence, pure being, pure passion, pure spirit, pure heart! In those moments, it’s as if nothing else exists except for me and my Creator. This is where the encounter is found, and I believe that it reveals the truest essence of who I am. This is because I find that this feeling is equivalent to what I experience when I am alone, before God in a place of deep worship. It brings to mind the following verse:
“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship. God is sheer being itself–Spirit. Those who worship Him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.” –John 4:23-24 (MSG)
The “truth” that I’m in pursuit of is the highest standard of excellence that God has made possible for me to personally achieve. I have found that running is my personal gateway to discovery of this truth. It is my method of expressing the joy that fills me as I engage in this spiritual adventure God has called me to. But the significance that I find within racing goes beyond what I experience internally: what satisfies me the most about racing is that it gives others the opportunity to witness my worship.
When I take time alone with God, the tangible realness of God’s presence is so powerful that it makes my heart cry out: God, I cannot keep this to myself! How can I share this experience with others? How can I display Your Spirit from within me in a way that can move the hearts of others, just as you have moved mine?
Honestly, I can’t help but think in response, “I just want to run!”
Racing is unique because, to some extent, people can share in the experience when they watch. Racing can be interpreted like art, and this gives it the potential to inspire and hopefully speak to people in unique ways. I think this is the beauty of worship: it can be uniquely expressed in an infinite variety of ways, according to how each person is called to express it.
After a full 2 years with no racing, it’s interesting to think about what it will be like once I finally toe the line again. I have been left dormant for so long…the entire time, my passion inside was only growing more fierce, even though I wasn’t able to express it how I so desired. I can’t help but wonder: What’s it going to look like once I finally unleash that again? Will it still feel the same? Will it be better? Or will it be difficult for me to return to the kind of performance I seek to achieve again? Will I be able to outwardly express what I feel inside to the full extent I desire?
To be clear, although I certainly have big goals that I want to pursue, I’m not necessarily aspiring for certain times or places. What I’m in pursuit of is experiencing that feeling I used to know so well: the feeling of everything coming together, feeling invincible, practically feeling divine as you run with the wind of God in your wings…going further and faster than you ever thought you could go…surpassing the limits of what you thought was possible! There is nothing like the feeling of mind, body, and spirit united–revealing just a glimpse of the infinite possibility that God placed within each and every one of us–and having others present, to witness the outward expression of this spiritual act taking place inside of you!
It’s interesting to think about what racing was like throughout high school: I never cared about who was watching or what the stage was. It was just another race, another opportunity for me to glorify God and enjoy this gift He gave me! I was always performing for an audience of One, and I was simply going to give my absolute best for Him each and every time! Now, in the college setting, as I aspire to meet the expectations I have for myself, it can sometimes be challenging to think about how differently that may translate within the college racing scene. But ultimately, I view the purpose of my running from a perspective that doesn’t even necessarily give value to times nor places:
At the heart of it all, all I want is to be recognized by the joy that I run with. I believe that alone is enough to speak the name of Jesus to those who witness my joy–in a way that doesn’t even require words! If anyone is simply able to share in some small part of the great joy I find in running, my heart will be so full, because that is the Joy of the Lord being shared!
Even greater than what can be conveyed through my running, it is my hope that my entire life may be recognized as an act of worship–one that celebrates and expands the tangible reality of Jesus’s Love!
