Run Like What You Want to Become

I wanted to write this post for those who may need encouragement in their racing journeys–but also for myself as I continue my own journey. FINALLY, after a 6-month hiatus, I was able to race again at NC State’s home track meet (Raleigh Relays) to start off the outdoor track season!

I came really close to being race-ready in the indoor season, but due to a few more minor flare-ups and another recurrence of piriformis syndrome, the opportunity unfortunately evaded me. Even in the few weeks leading up to Raleigh Relays, my training wasn’t reflecting ideal consistency, but it was marked by solid workouts that showed that fitness was there and ready to be tested (as long as my body didn’t give me any more apparent warning signs)! So although I felt relatively underprepared to race, I didn’t want to keep waiting until I felt completely ready; because the fact is, the only way for me to get there is to dive headfirst into competition! 

I want to be open in expressing that while I have always loved racing, after being unaccustomed to it for the majority of the past three years, it mostly just feels SCARY. Leading up to Raleigh Relays, I was excited and thankful to be competing again, but there was definitely also an element of dread and lots of doubts that I was struggling with. 

My thoughts battled like this: Ok, but am I really ready for this? I feel far from my best physically and mentally…it’s as if I don’t even remember how to focus and prepare for a race anymore! Am I just going to be disappointed and get discouraged again? 

Me to Myself: Honestly, yeah, that’s probably how it’s going to be at the start, because that’s how it went last year…BUT, differently than last year, it doesn’t need to be discouraging. Rather, it should be something to EMBRACE! Because now you can recognize that the only way to get where you want to be–where racing feels like second-nature, you are confident and dialed-in, and the fire burns bright and fierce in your eyes!!–is to plow through this initial struggle and discomfort and accept it as part of the process. Also, don’t forget to CELEBRATE that you are finally engaging in this process again!!

So this became my goal (which will also apply to these other upcoming early-season races): RUN LIKE WHAT YOU WANT TO BECOME!

For me, that means practicing getting in a winning mindset, having no fear of the competition, and believing that however the race goes and no matter what the pace is, I CAN! But even more importantly, it means toeing the line with joy and gratitude; with the full intention of pouring my heart out onto the track and daring to push my limits beyond what I have ever known them to encompass before!

Now, fast-forward to the Raleigh Relays 5k…I think I pursued my goal a little too adamantly (haha). From the gun, I tried to put myself in position as I would have if I was going to race for a win. And even though the pace was quick, I didn’t allow myself to back off of it, because I truly believed there was potential for me to surprise myself and run a fast time! And things went really well, until I hit the wall the last 800m…(My parents said that I made my sister tear up, because it looked like I was hurting so bad!) While part of me can’t help but think, well that’s embarrassing, another part of me simply rejoices, I DID IT!! I finally had the opportunity to push myself to the point of suffering, without holding anything back! I ran with my heart, and people were able to see it!

Racing helps me identify my points of weakness so that I know how to strengthen them moving forward (whether they be physical, mental, relating to the race-day preparation/routine, etc.), and for that reason I am hungry for more! After all, one of the greatest joys of sport is the satisfaction found within the process of mastering your craft; when you can make each performance your very own work of art, and integrate them into the mural of your one-of-a-kind legacy! And yes, it can be difficult and frustrating when some of these performances do not reflect the degree of quality that you personally strive for–and yet they occur out in the open, where they can be measured, analyzed and judged by others, and it becomes all too easy to fall into doubt and comparison–but that’s why I want to encourage everyone (including myself) to keep in mind the whole picture. Take a step back and remember the greater vision you hold in your heart. You are the only one who can decide that the world hasn’t seen your full masterpiece yet, and you’re the only one who can prove that even what we consider uninspiring on the surface can contribute to a greater picture of splendor than anyone else could have imagined you were capable of turning it into! It’s only by first believing in something that you have access to the realization of it, so keep chasing until you are living out your truth.

“Then the Lord answered me and said: Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so that a runner may read it. For there is still a vision for the appointed time; it speaks of the end, and does not lie. If it seems to tarry, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay!”

–Habakkuk 2:2-3